six word autobiography: “fuck goddamnit i fucked up so bad”
guys i specifically made that sentence seven words long so someone could comment “but thats seven words” and i could say “fuck i did it again i fucked up” so we could all have a good laugh but no one said it. yall fucked up. i fucked up because i assumed yall wouldnt fuck up. everythings fucked up
My ex-girlfriends disturbing sense of humor
I aggressively made out with my boy last night at his house and just as his pants were about to come off 4 of our friends walked in and asked if he had any guacamole left in his fridge
guacamole is ruining my life
One might say you were
i luv kids they are so much funner to talk to than adults. i asked a toddler today whats up and he said “ten” with such conviction i really did believe it was an adequate response to my question for a second
they better play corbin bleu’s “push it to the limit” when i’m in the delivery room or else i am not giving birth to that child
when i die make sure my skeleton is regularly bleached to give it that healthy white look
Feeling like you aced a test and finding out you failed
slide into the deep pits of hell
Beyonce puts her 1 year old daughter who can not speak yet on her album but not her sister with a struggling music career
I don’t know why Frank insisted on bringing me to this dinner party, I don’t even know what to talk about and everyone’s already having a conversation, it’d be awkward to butt in. A steakhouse? Really? I’m a pescetarian, Frank. We’ve known each other ten years. Nobody’s even bothered to comment on my coat or offered a tummy rub. Your friends are shit, Frank.
my favorite post of 2013
"girls dress too revealing now days" says the teenaged boy with his pants pulled down to his knees and muscle shirt so big you can see his nipnops
the Snape one gets me every time.
how do people not listen to music? what do you do when you’re on the bus? when u want to feel like ur in a music video? when ur sad? when ur happy? how do you even live?
yesterday in the car my mom said “theres always the one gay twin out of a pair” and my twin brother and I shot a glance at one another because we’re both the gay twin